Cuffing Season is Here!
9 Life-changing Flags to Watch Out For.
It’s finally Fall! Cue the cute autumn decorations, pumpkin-spiced flavored everything, and the start of cuffing season. Cuffing is essentially the pull people feel to couple up when the weather turns cold and the new year starts creeping up. If you find yourself in a newer relationship this Fall season, here are green, yellow, and red flags to look out for.
Green Flags
Meaning things are good to go, they indicate a person is likely to enter the relationship from a mature and emotionally healthy place.
In conversation, they ask follow-up questions. This shows they are listening and can be an empathic listener. Empathic listeners can connect with what you are saying and appreciate how you are feeling even when they disagree with your point of view.
They have high self-awareness and take active steps to become better. They spend time in reflection and try to understand their intentions and motivations. You can tell someone has strong self-awareness when they can admit to contributing to a problem and are diligent about correcting it. On the contrary, if they are anti-therapy, have little self-awareness, or continue worrisome behavior, that is a red flag.
You both have your own lives- they give you space to nurture hobbies, relationships, and future goals. In the same way, it’s a good sign if your partner has strong, long-lasting relationships, hobbies, and goals outside of you.
Yellow Flags
Things that can cause friction but aren’t detrimental to your health and well-being.
They have too many crazy ex-lovers- if every relationship they’ve had failed because of the other person, that could indicate a lack of self-awareness and personal responsibility. Sure, things happen, and people make bad decisions that can cause a break-up, but everything can’t always be the fault of another person.
Indecisiveness- you deserve a partner who knows who they are and what they want. If they can’t make up their mind or never have an opinion, you might start to feel more like a parent than a partner. Avoiding decision-making out of fear puts too much pressure on a partner. Both parties need to be able to make decisions and accept any risk that comes with it.
They have a hard time telling you how they feel- we are not mind readers. A good partner will show you how to love them by communicating their wants and needs. If you constantly have to pry things out of them, they could be emotionally unavailable or too immature for the current relationship.
Red Flags
These are detrimental to your health and well-being and should be strongly evaluated before continuing the relationship.
Love bombing- grand romantic gestures at the beginning of a relationship: spoiling with gifts, time, and dates. Often someone who’s taking care of and paying for everything. There is excessive attention and flattery; using language you long to hear, like “I’ve never felt this way before” and “soul mate.” This is often a narcissist trait, and once the charm fades, you are caught in a cycle of emotional abuse. If the partner ever questions the person or the “perfect” relationship, they are gaslit, made to feel crazy, and left apologizing even though they are the victim.
Revealing too much too soon- there are certain details and stories that need to be saved after a relationship is well established. If a new partner unloads too much too quickly, they are creating false intimacy. This can be a sign of self-absorption, a lack of boundaries, and emotional neediness. Additionally, if someone is pushing your boundaries: physical, sexual, financial, or emotional, they don’t respect you, and these violations are likely to worsen over time.
Controlling behaviors- wanting to know where you are and who you are with, always making the plans, and telling you what to wear; aside from a lack of trust and respect, controlling behaviors can be a serious indicator of emotional abuse in the future.
In any situation, dating or otherwise, it is wise to trust your gut. Our instincts are usually right; if something feels too good to be true or a situation feels off, your antenna will go up. Learn to lean into those gut feelings with curiosity: Why am I feeling this way? • What is being communicated to me? • Is this uncomfortable because it’s new or because it’s unsafe? • Is this fear real or imaginary? • Why do I keep questioning this? • Am I trying to convince myself?
